So scared yet so helpless

In all honesty, as of late my anxiety level has been through the roof. Last Spring, we were first introduced to Swine Flu (as we first called it) or the politically correct term, H1N1. I can remember coming in the living room after swimming with my son only to hear the terrifying news that many in Mexico were dying from seemingly untreatable flu and if we don't close the borders, we too will be susceptible to this undiscriminating illness. Day by day, more and more news of Americans contracting the swine made me fear for my sons life. Watching Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt prance around with dust masks on made me snicker, yet I knew this was something bigger than us. EVERYONE was a target. I wrote to the president to voice my opinion. And then, just like that, it all died down. No more talk of swine flu.

But I knew it would be back. It always came back.

And I was right. First it was a few cases here and there. Then the President confessed it was on a large scale; a pandemic. And the govenor of NY declared we were in a State of Emergency. How in God's name, as a mommy, can I not be afraid?

I opted out of taking Hunter on our daily grocery shopping trips, to the Y, and to our weekly playdates. Yes, I feel guilty about not letting him have fun out side of the house. But...I think I would rather feel guilty (for a few weeks, a month, two months?) for this than feel eternally guilty for exposing him to something that could potentially be fatal. And then I would never forgive myself.

I just watched a newsclip about how the Government believed this would not be as severe as it is (obviously..this is spreading like wildfire) and they continued to make the generic flu vaccines hoping the H1N1 would not be serious. Well, hello! It is! I live in a small town and I know a sweet teenage girl in the hospital right now trying to fight for her life. It's happening, whether you want to believe it or not. It's here, and you have a choice. Some people still do not believe this is an issue and other's don't want to get their loved ones vaccinated because they are unsure of what is in the vaccine. I, for one, know that I would rather risk getting my child, myself, my fiancee vaccinated NOT knowing what is in the vaccine thank contracting H1N1 and possibly not coming out alive.

So...I'm just a mommy who is helplessly waiting and hoping to hear very soon that, YES! The vaccine is in. And then I can breath again.