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Saturday, May 15, 2010

Life after break-up-shake-up: the sun does comes out again


It's been a while.  A long while.  But there's a pretty good reason for it..trust me.

After breaking off our engagement in February with my fiancee, I found myself spiraling into a deep dark depression.  I felt like a failure..I mean.  I wasn't even married yet!  Here we are with a precious one year old child, and it's OVER.  Done.

I didn't know how to handle it.  Although, I knew deep in my heart that breaking up was best not only for us, but more importantly for our son.

As I'm sitting here writing this, I can't really think of any 'special' beginning with the two of us.  He pursued me, and I actually tried to break it off numerous times only to be persuaded back into his "loving" arms.  It didn't last long.  It never did.  But, like the optimistic-by-nature person I tend to be, I tried to look past all of the hurt, shame and verbal abuse and continue on because, tomorrow is a new day, right?

I have to thank him, however for the most precious gift of all-our son.  For these past few months I have been soul searching.  My state of mind was not sunny, and I didn't even feel like partaking in a hobby whic always made me so happy-blogging.  So, in an effort to put the pieces back together for myself and for my son, I stopped cold turkey for a while.  After that last post in April,, I didn't check my blog or my blog account emails.  I put the blogosphere and all of that "world" behind for a while.

It was a good thing. 

Because now, more than ever, I know who I am.

In all of my 27 years, I didn't know who I was.  I was, essentially,  looking to find myself through others, and even changing myself to suit their needs.  Now, I  believe that everything in life brings you to where you are in this moment.

And in this moment,  I am proud to say that I am at peace with myself, who I am, and what I want.


Are you a single mom?  Share your story!  You are my hero's. 

13 comments:

  1. glad you have found the positives in your break up! Welcome back and hope you can continue to be proud of who you are and where you are at!

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  2. i am glad you found that peace. sometimes the road to it, takes us places we never thought we would go. love that little one and the rest will figure itself out...

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  3. Sounds like a blessing in disguise! I'm glad you have found yourself again, and you know what's most important to you. Welcome back!

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  4. I understand. I used to try to get others to make me happy, to make me feel special or interesting. I went to therapy for a year and that helped a lot. I went through a lot of dark times in my twenties, trying to find myself and where I had left my self-worth. And I still struggle with it somewhat. But I did finally find a wonderful man to marry in my thirties - one who treats me well and likes me for who I am - and we have a wonderful 1 1/2 yr old son and another son on the way! I am proud of you (and I don't even know you!) for coming so far already. Just keep searching, keep up a spiritual journey, and you are right - you are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment. Stay present! And give that little cutie son of yours hugs whenever you can!

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  5. Sometimes even though it hurts, it ends up being for the better. It's unfortunate that you had to deal with all of that, I know it's not easy.

    But glad you are doing better now and happy with yourself! Your son is just too cute :)

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  6. Glad all is okay. You both look very happy in the photo.

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  7. Good for you!!! You have to do what feels best in your gut. Have you ever checked out Midlife Mommy? Her story is similar and she might be someone great to connect with! http://midlifemommy07.blogspot.com

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  8. I am glad your doing well! Keep your head up!
    I am now following your blog from MBC!
    http://www.danishel.blogspot.com

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  9. I'm not a single mom- so I can't offer any suggestions -- but I wanted to stop by and wish you well. I'm not usually one of those people who says it was "meant to be" but maybe in this case it was and that you are now on the right path for what is best for you and your precious child :-)

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  10. I am glad that you have found peace and have recognized the blessings amidst, I'm sure, the pain of the break-up.

    Thank you, also, for your honesty. Many women, and men with and without children involved, experience what you go through everyday, but often do not speak about it due to, perhaps, shame, embarrassment, or hurt.

    I have just begun to follow your blog and look forward to watching your journey.

    http://mommyhoodnextright.blogspot.com

    -Jessica a.k.a Nya's mom

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  11. Hello! I just wanted to say how much I loved your blog! Beautifully designed too! I am so pleased to give you this 'Beautiful Blogger Award!'

    Get it here: http://s13.photobucket.com/albums/a259/shatterflii/blogger/?action=view&current=beautifulbloggeraward4.jpg

    My post about it here: http://synnicity.blogspot.com/2010/03/beautiful-blogger-award.html

    Take care & Godbless
    ELMDyck

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  12. Such a beautiful photo of you and your son. I'm so glad you were able to find your smile again.

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  13. Good for you Girl! Pat yourself on the back for realizing how fabulous your life truely is! YAY!http://danielandcarolinesbundleofjoy.blogspot.com

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